Dealing with insecurities after a toxic relationship

When you are in a relationship with a toxic man, it feels like you are walking on eggshells. Having to please him and be at the top of your game. Toxic men tend to be more promiscuous – their promiscuity will cause you to feel the need to compete with other women. When you feel the need to compete with others, it will also make you feel undesirable and inadequate during the relationship. The reality of it all hits you like a ton of bricks after the relationship. When the relationship comes to an end, the deepest wounds are revealed, and you are left to pick up the pieces – by struggling with your self-worth and confidence.   

Struggling with who you are can be a reality for many women. Insecurities can surface both after a child's birth and at the end of a relationship. We can all say that we've struggled to figure out how we fit into the world at some point in our life. The struggle is real after a toxic man.   

The great news is you can take back your power and learn to love all of you!   

Lean into your insecurity:   

When you are young and free of hurt, you can love others and love yourself without boundaries or limitations. As you grow and experience life, both good and bad experiences shape how we view the world, others, and ourselves.    

Many years ago, I, too, felt inadequate after a toxic relationship. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I even began to wonder if I deserved all the hurt, pain, and disrespect. I didn't feel worthy of a good man; feeling mentally stuck doesn't feel right. Most importantly, I was afraid to share how I felt with others because I feared judgment.   

I tried to hide my insecurities, but hiding it intensified my feeling of stress, anxiety, and impacted my self-worth. One day someone told me I was insecure, and it felt like a strike to my soul, and I felt naked.    

I could no longer hide my insecurities behind my smile. At that moment, I stopped caring about what others thought – I decided to lean into my truth.      

I felt humiliated being called insecure in front of many people, but today I am grateful. It's amazing how free you feel when your deepest secrets are put on display for everyone to see – When everything is hidden comes to light, and you accept it – you are set free.  

Leaning into your truth will allow you to:   

  • Let go of the people and things that were intended to cripple you physically and mentally   
  • Let go of both big and small mistakes   
  • Continue to grow and improve    
  • Take small steps to become the person God created you to be   
  • Relax and be free from the expectations of others   

The reality is life doesn't always work out the way we plan, and we are exposed to bumps and bruises along our journey. Be true to yourself and lean into your flaws. You are beautifully and wonderfully made – insecurities lose power when you are comfortable with whom you are.   

Five things you must start doing today:   

  • Buy your favorite flowers from the Farmer's Market once a week   
  • Take yourself out to brunch, lunch, or a movie   
  • Get inspired with uplifting books and music   
  • Join Online and Local Support Groups for Women   
  • Please make a list of things, hobbies, activities, and trips you always wanted to take and make plans to do them. 


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