How to Communicate with Your Partner When You Are Angry
Let's just face it! There's no way you can avoid being angry at your partner. Sometimes you are upset over a small issue, and other times, it's what you feel like doing. Well, that's how love works. You are bound to feel extreme emotions, especially when you are genuinely in love.
But one thing is for certain: Anger can be a powerful tool for good or bad. When you are angry, you can use that to get your point across. However, when you do not channel your feeling, your anger will destroy your relationship, and I mean that literally!
One of the hardest things to do when you are upset is to be nice to your partner, especially when you feel like they are the cause. Expressing how you feel, is also the most crucial part of a relationship since it shows how a couple is capable of handling conflict effectively without causing any harm to the relationship. It's these moments that can predict the failure or success of a relationship.
So, for your relationship to last, you need to understand how to communicate with your partner when you are angry. Kindness is essentially a way of expressing your anger. Being kind doesn't mean that you don't get mad at all.
But before we get down to finding the best way to communicate with your partner when angry, let's define what's anger.
What is anger?
Anger is just an emotion that can be largely misunderstood. What you need to understand is that anger is not a negative type of emotion. Some people think of anger as a bad emotion, and if you express your anger in a close relationship, then you can be made to feel like a terrible person. Others believe that anger is the exact opposite of love, and it has no place in any relationship.
But if you sit down and think about it, you've always shown anger to the people you are closest to, even with your childhood friends. But let's be honest with each other! Enough is enough! I'm sure you are fed up with covering up things for your partner. How are you going to make your self-centered partner finally own up without blowing off some steam?
Now that you are already gassed up let's find the best way to channel all that energy and also get to communicate effectively. I mean, I'm sure you are completely frustrated and can't keep calm because you are upset. Feeling angry is neither bad or good. What we choose to do when we are upset is what is considered harmful. With that in mind, you can use the below tips to talk to your partner.
Tips on how to communicate with your partner when you are upset
Use open-ended questions
There's a lot to communicate. It's not just talking about how your day was or what you ate for lunch. It's about digging deep into each other's emotions and knowing each other. But it's not easy to dig deep into someone's feelings, especially for those who've never been comfortable with sharing their emotions.
Therefore, you should be mindful of your partner's emotions and respect their decisions. That also means your partner should equally do the same thing for you. So even when you are upset, remember to always respect your partner.
You should understand that when you are upset, there are specific rules of engagement. These rules need to be encoded in your DNA. No matter how frustrated or angry you might feel, these rules must be followed, for instance, don't shout or use harmful language with your partner.
So, if you find yourself being more of a warrior than a lover, then you should consider adopting relationship rules of engagement. These will help you gain control of the situation.
Learn the skills you need to learn without fighting
Without a doubt, you and your partner are unique individuals. That means disagreements should be a normal phase in your relationship. With that in mind, conflict is an essential part of even the most harmonious relationship. But you should both learn how to handle being on opposite sides without resulting in vicious fights.
One of the most vital parts of any relationship is that you need to assess your feelings before you present them to your partner. As much as anger and frustrations and deep emotions, if you take your time to explore what you feel, you might realize that these feelings only mask the fact that you are sad inside.
Only after self-reflection will you find out that what you genuinely feel is abandoned or the fact that your dreams are being ignored. When you can accurately pin-point what you feel, it will help you to convey what's in your mind without filtering anything. But remember, once your words start to hurt your partner, it's going to be hard to connect with them empathically.
Take a moment to talk to your therapist or analyze your feelings on your own. What's more, you can also keep a journal of how your day was and what you've felt. Being able to process your emotions through writing will help you organize your thoughts.
Have faith in your relationship and commitment. More importantly, you should focus on the friendship even though you are going through a rough patch with your partner. It's easier to remember that you are discussing issues with your best friend rather than, 'enemy.' Investing time in working to resolve conflict will get things back on the right track with your partner, no matter the type of arguments between the two of you.
Why are you still with your partner even though you are upset or angry at them? It's because deep down, you still feel the love you have for them. Don't let all that anger cloud your judgment.
And most importantly, try to share how you feel in the best way possible. Being kind to your partner is not all about them. On the contrary, being kind to them serves you. Kindly expressing yourself opens your partner up to hearing what you have to say. When you've paved the way for your partner to listen through kind words, they will likely listen to everything you say even if you are frustrated or angry.