How to Learn the Lessons from Failed Relationships

When most people look back at their failed relationships, they think of it as a sign of failure. Even just the time they wasted with the wrong person. Yes, there are a lot of emotions, guilt, and uncertainty when relationships fail. But amid all these emotions, there is so much wisdom as well.   

So, instead of killing yourself trying to understand why the relationship ended, try to focus on the lessons that you can learn. Stop spending so much time looking for answers from your past. Focus more on the things you can learn from that relationship. That will help you move on gracefully and even help you thrive better in your new relationships.   

Understanding that You Come First  

When you are in a relationship, it’s easy to forget that you are always your number one priority. So, even if your partner says that they love you as you are, you owe it to yourself to take care of you.   

That is because if you are not doing it, no one else will do that for you. Also, remember that some people are pretty good at taking. So, if you let them, they will take everything you have until you got nothing left.   

No one Belongs to You  

The biggest mistake that most people make when they are in a relationship is believing that the person they are in a commitment with belongs to them. So, you need to understand from all your past failed relationships that people are not possessions.   

What do I mean? You have no right or claim over their lifestyle choices. No matter how long you have been together, you need to give each other the space to individually live your lives. That means that you don’t get to control how they behave even if it’s not what’s best for your relationship.   

The best you can do when in a relationship is to communicate and create the needed boundaries. Trust your partner can work out their issues and honor their decisions. Trying to control your partner will only drive them away.   

Never Fool Yourself that You Can Change Your Partner  

There is no doubt; you can motivate other people by creating a good example. But expecting someone to change just because you want them to is not honoring who the other person is. The truth is, people change when they feel the desire to make a shift.   

When you pressure your partner to change, they will make temporary improvements, but eventually, that will give rise to resentment feelings. That said, if you hate the short temper in your partner, you could probably change the way you react instead.   

When you change your energy, the other person will feel your new energy. People are more likely to be motivated to behave differently by the examples you lead, and not the words you keep speaking.   

And if you feel that you are desperate for a change from your partner, there is no problem with walking away. Why are you with someone who needs so much fixing in the first place?  

Over-analysis is Always an Enemy of Progress  

When a relationship ends, you will mostly spend a lot of time figuring out what went wrong. But that’s because our minds like dissecting situations and revisiting scenes to find clues about why the relationship ended.   

When you spend hours examining and re-examining the past, it’s all part of the healing process. However, if you overdo it, then it will prevent you from living in the present. It can even affect your progress in moving forward.   

That said, instead of spending so much of your time understanding why your relationship didn’t work out, you can invest that time in discovering who you are. Being stuck in the past is a big enemy of progress.   

Accept You Don’t Need Someone Else to Complete Yourself 

Some people believe that their partner completes them. Well, if you find yourself looking for validation and love outside yourself, then you are merely setting yourself up for co-dependency issues.   

You don’t need a man to validate you as that will affect your self-worth whenever you are not in a relationship with anyone. Waiting for validation from someone else puts your happiness at the mercy of someone else.   

That is why, if you are not happy and proud of yourself, then you will have a hard time finding happiness in relationships. It would be best to cultivate happiness and self-love in yourself before you get to share it with other people in your life.   

You Also Need Some ‘Me Time’  

Being in love with someone is beautiful. But that doesn’t mean that you spend every single minute and hour in your life with them. Don’t merge your identity into theirs and forget about the dreams you have.   

Finding your lover means making the most out of the moments that you have. At the same time, you need to honor the time you spend apart. So, don’t neglect to do what makes you feel alive just because you are in a relationship. It can be painful to lose yourself in the process of loving another person.   

Understand that Relationships are Often a Reflection of the Relationships We Have with Ourselves  

The way you thrive in your relationship is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. In that, if you find that you are a reactive person in a relationship, it means that you probably have fears and anxieties that you haven’t healed from.   

When you understand that, you are in a better position to work on yourself. To cultivate loving relationships with the people around us, it needs to start with us cultivating self-love.  

In Summary  

People spend so much time in their life, blaming their past failed relationships for emotional baggage. Instead, understand that time spent in any relationship is never time wasted. From every failure, you learn some valuable life skills. Take these lessons, connect your dots, and move on with your life. 


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