How to mourn and overcome the feeling of grief and withdrawal after heartbreak
Break-ups can leave you feeling like the world is about to end. The, ‘I don’t love you anymore’ message will remain in your mind for days. And that’s just the start of it all. The grieving process can sometimes take weeks, months, or even years. But don’t worry there’s some light at the end of the tunnel.
As much as we don’t like to hear this, grieving and withdrawal symptoms are part of your recovery process. Yes, you heard that right! The problem is, how do you navigate throughout this stressful period? I mean, as rude as it may sound, life has to go on and you need to get back to feeling alive again. So, with that in mind, let’s take a look at how to mourn a breakup and overcome the feeling of grief and withdrawal.
Grief is not as straight forward as you imagined
Truth be told, there are several stages of grief; 5 to be exact. So, you will have to go through all the five stages; Anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and lastly acceptance. This is all part of your healing journey. Most importantly, this is a major part of our lives and learning how to live with the ‘loss’ of a loved one.
These stages act as a guide to help us better understand how we might feel at a certain point. However, you need to remember that healing from grief doesn’t happen by completing steps 1-5 in order. There could be some stops, setbacks, and roadblock along the way. Healing from heartbreak doesn’t happy like drawing a straight line. It’s can be better described as having a bunch of stars sprinkle in the sky and drawing a line to connect them all.
Grief can easily hit us in so many ways. Whether you are hearing your favorite song or thinking of your next move; there are so many ways your mind can subconsciously remind you of your loss.
The best thing you can do during this time is to allow yourself to feel. Don’t try and fight it. With time, it will get easier on your mind and spirit.
Let feelings come and go
Grief and withdrawal are part of how we process pain or saddening events. Although, we’d like to avoid emotional pain, it’s just not possible. If you are experiencing feelings of anger, shame, fear, or even depression, remind yourself that these feelings are normal following heartbreak.
Not feeling okay is just fine even if the whole world tells you otherwise. The longer you attempt to hide your feelings, the stronger they’ll become. I know that grieving is not easy. But it’s the only way for you to be victorious.
Try supporting yourself by crying it out, reading, sitting in silence with your feelings, or any other way you can to feel and release your feeling. It won’t take away your pain but it may give the heart some relief.
The first time someone broke my heart was during college. I couldn’t breathe and it took years to overcome that feeling. Everything was fine afterward and I even got the confidence to get into another stable and long-lasting relationship.
Not until I got my heart broken again and this time it was even worse because I could see a future even a family coming up soon. I felt like I didn’t have the strength to get back to another relationship. The one thing that gave me my courage and self-esteem back was volunteering to walk the dogs in my local animal rescue.
You wouldn’t even believe how refreshing it felt to walk a dog around my neighborhood and don’t even get me started on how it felt when those cute puppy eyes stared at you! Serving others can help shift your mind’s focus from sorrow to making a difference in other people’s lives.
The satisfaction that you’ll get out of helping others is like nothing you’ve ever felt. And hey, you are fixing what’s wrong with the world, right? Just a little step in the right direction will help! For instance, babysitting, delivering a meal, and you can also offer to pay for the latte of the person behind you in line with no strings attached.
Before we get started, please don’t misread this. What do I mean? Well, practicing acceptance doesn’t necessarily say that you are, ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ with the breakup-not at all! All it means is that your mind, body, and heart are finally accepting what happened. What’s more, you now see it as part of your life and it’s something you can integrate into your day to day thoughts, life, and feelings.
More importantly, ‘accept’ is a simple verb that has a lot of weight in your grieving process. You should understand that this is not a one-time thing. You should practice acceptance every day. It’s natural to shift between the feeling of resistance and acceptance. But the more you accept what happens, it gives your mind the chance to foresee a brighter future and it also rekindles the feeling of hope in your heart.
Forget about closure
Closure always seems like the logical end of any relationship. The main reason we crave for closure is to eventually get rid of all the sadness we feel inside. To be more specific, we want to shut off the feeling of confusion, sadness, desperation, and even anger so we can finally put it all behind us and welcome joy into our lives.
Well, closure works perfectly for practical matters such as closing a business deal or even a real estate venture. But it’s not as effective when it comes to matters of the heart. In reality, closure doesn’t exist. So, you have to find the best way to live with all the pain of a breakup. Anyway, all hope is not lost. You can try thinking of closure as a way of healing and growth instead of getting rid of your feelings.
Before you go…
Love is a beautiful thing and yes, that’s not what you want to hear but it’s what you need to listen to. And with every beautiful thing, there’s always the ups and downs and in this case, heartbreak. There’s no way you could have prepared yourself for a breakup and I’m sure it was unexpected. But don’t let it define you. Read this out loud in your mind, ‘You are a strong and capable woman ready to take the bull by its horns’. Keep growing and nurturing your heart until it fully recovers. And, hey, you are actually on your way to recovery if you didn’t realize it already.
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