How to start over again from a 10–15-year relationship?
Being single for the first time after a long relationship can be devastating. Adapting to the new norms will take a bit of getting used to. More importantly, if you are someone who's used to commitment and long-relationships, even if you decided to end it, then be sure you will feel lonely. But don't worry! There is a ray of hope at the end of the tunnel.
Going through a breakup will always be an emotional rollercoaster. From feeling angry, sad, betrayed to the feeling of relief, the list goes on and on. And the journey of being single has only begun.
To tell you the truth, it's not easy being single, especially after a long relationship. However, you can use a few tips and tricks to weather the storm. These tips will not completely heal the heartbreak, but they will help make the load easier to bear.
Don't blame yourself
Did I do something wrong?
No, darling! Enough is enough. These questions will not do you any good. Yes, they come naturally to your mind, and it's only normal to keep asking yourself what went wrong. Well, we can't be completely faultless since relationships involve two parties. That said, we have to be honest that we played a part in the breakup, whether small or big.
But it's time to stop reminiscing. It's time to get out of that dark place of self-pity or even hate. I'm talking about those countless nights you've spent soaking your pillow with tears. You've cried enough, and it's time to move on. Start by accepting your role in the breakup and cultivating a culture of feeding your mind with positive thoughts.
Remember, you have other relationships
When was the last time you had a few friends over for a slumber party? I bet it's been ages, right? Well, here's your chance. Now is the right time to nurture some of the non-romantic relationships in your life. That includes your friends, family, or even your pet.
Choosing to spend most of your time with your partner tends to affect your connection with non-romantic relationships. It doesn't have to be connections with humans alone. If you love pets, then maybe it's the right time to adopt one if you didn't have a furry friend in your home already. More importantly, take this opportunity to reconnect with friends and family.
That way, you can talk with girlfriends, which will take your mind away from your recent breakup. The best part is that you will have fun with your friends and family. These kinds of connections will teach your mind and heart to be happy again. What's more, you will get the chance to open up for another romantic relationship. I know that sounds like an impossible thing at the moment, but time heals all wounds, even heartbreaks.
Always be busy
When you don't have anything to do during the day, your mind will be empty, making you crave attention from your ex. The best way to avoid this from happening is always to stay busy, so you don't have time to be lonely or bored. Additionally, keeping your mind occupied will allow you to be positive.
Thankfully, there are several activities you can do to keep your mind busy including, getting a gym membership, taking a walk, talking to a friend, finding a new hobby, and so much more. If that doesn't work, you can plan a weekend getaway with friends. Also, try to develop new activities to spice up your day, so you don't get tired of doing the same routines.
Don't jump quickly into a new relationship
When you are single, I'm sure you'll feel the urge to fill up the space. And without consciously knowing it, you will end up forcing yourself into a new relationship. On top of that, instead of giving your mind and body the much-needed time, you'll find yourself checking out dating apps, asking friends to set you up, or even hanging around bars.
That's not a healthy or effective way of dealing with your breakup. But don't get me wrong! I'm not saying that it's wrong to meet new people and go out on dates. All you have to do is sit down and decide whether you need this or are going out on dates because you don't want to deal with your breakup. Most people call this a rebound, and it doesn't last. If you're going to heal and move on with your life, take time to fall in love with yourself again. Automatically, when the right time comes to connect with someone, you will know.
Being alone isn't so bad
When you've been in a long-term relationship, you get used to doing most things with your partner. The best way to deal with being single is learning to be alone. However, this is not going to be a comfortable journey. That's because most of us are not fond of doing things alone. Maybe your biggest problem is and has been because you are not comfortable with doing things alone. Well, now is the best time to start!
Go and buy your groceries or do any other task that you never did alone. Make sure you are present during this activity, and it will keep your mind engaged the entire day. Take notes of the items you need to purchase. Once you are okay with running the little errands, you can do something more daring, for instance, watching a movie solo. You can also do other productive things such as going to the gym or reading a new book.
Take Away Message
Breakups are only challenging at the beginning. The journey will get more comfortable with time once you start to enjoy staying alone. What's more, the best way to enjoy being single is by taking some time to be selfish. Focus on yourself and your work or even spending time with people you love.