How Your Attachment Style Influences Your Relationship
Sometimes, some people randomly meet, get together, and they live happily ever after. However, for others, relationships are such a roller coaster that they will have jumped from one relationship to the next in just a few months, each time with a valid reason to leave.
And even if things seem to work out for them finally, the thought of commitment breaks all hell loose, and they slide into a tragic end. There has never been a one-size-fits-all, anyone who tells you that is bluntly lying to you when it comes to relationships. That is why people will give you different relationship advice.
While one person will tell you that you shouldn't be needy, another will tell you that you need to love yourself first. Well, successful relationships go beyond mutual love or chance. The attachment style that each partner has counts a lot in it.
Yes, you heard that right! And that's because the attachment style determines how we communicate in a relationship. Also, it determines what we expect from our partner, which is the basis of every relationship.
Know Your Attachment Style
Do you know what kind of a romantic partner you are? Are you the kind of a woman who is emotionally unavailable or finds others emotionally exhausting? While most people will say everyone is unique and their relationships, certain patterns are common to all.
In that, people are likely to fall in any following attachment styles; secure, avoidant, or anxious. And that is why as long as you don't understand your attachment style, all the relationship advice from your friends may never work for you.
When you know your attachment style, you know how to manage your relationships better, moving forward. That will help you understand why you communicate the way you do and why you expect what you do from your partner.
Two people who have different attachment styles could still be in a relationship, but they need to understand each other's patterns. You can take this Relationship Attachment Style Test to help you better understand what kind of a lover you are.
Standard Attachment Styles and How They Impact Relationships?
There are distinct attachment styles that we can use to characterize how we are in relationships.
The Avoidant Person
Have you ever dated a person who tends to pull away when you show the need for intimacy? Such a person will, in most cases, avoid excessive physical and emotional closeness with their partners once they get used to each other.
What's more, such a person is likely to start focusing on their partner's imperfections. And such a person will likely distance themselves when they see that you are becoming too close. That is their way of deactivating their attachment system subconsciously.
An insecure partner will always have a hard time focusing on their own needs. When your attachment style falls in this category, you will tend to be preoccupied with your partner's actions.
What's more, in a situation where you are undergoing any emotional turmoil or distress, you will act out. Insecure people will do this subconsciously to feel like they have a secure baseline in their relationship. And acting out could come in many ways.
For instance, such a person will be obsessed with defining their relationship or some score-keeping. That's just their way of regaining closeness anytime they feel like they are losing their partner.
The Secure Person
Being with a secure person could make you secure as well. A secure partner is comfortable with intimacy and will respond appropriately to every situation. They are satisfied with someone depending on them and being dependent on their partner as well. Also, they are not afraid to tell their needs in a relationship.
You can't fail to notice that their actions and thoughts will contain their ideas and those of their partner. The good thing is that if you fall into any other attachment style and get together with a secure person, they will most likely make you a secure partner.
The only bad news is that, if you are looking for a partner, most secure lovers are either in a committed or married relationship. And that's because they are good at thriving in relationships.
The Disorganized Attachment Person
A partner with this kind of attachment style wants closeness but fears it. That's why it somewhat feels like a combination of the avoidant and the anxious attachment style. This type of lover will be very inconsistent in their relationship, and their partner will perceive them as confused.
Such an attachment style comes from a place of chaos, trauma, or abuse when growing up. This type of partner will have no real secure base in their relationship. And that is because such a person grew up fearing their caregiver. And that's why as much as they may crave affection, they fear what could happen if they let their guard down.
Can You Change Your Attachment Style?
We now know that your attachment style affects how you will behave in a romantic relationship. That's why this begs the question, is it possible for one to change their attachment style? Can an avoidant person become secure in their relationship? Let's find out.
Most people develop their attachment styles when they are still young. But if you don't end up with the secure attachment style, you can always make a difference. Yes, you can change your attachment style, but this takes a lot of hard work. Therapy could play a significant role in this.
Your attachment style is only one facet of who you are but doesn't hold the fate of your relationship success. As long as you are willing to put in the work in building a good relationship with your partner, you can work your way through. Regardless of your attachment style, you are still capable of maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
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