No judgement dating advice for side chicks

Not the other woman

It is normal to want companionship. Everyone wants a romantic relationship. It’s a great feeling when you know someone else has your back. Yet, finding a happy, healthy, and sustainable relationship is one of the most difficult things to do.  

There are tons of women who compromise their values just for companionship. I’ve worked with women who have dated people who wanted access to their income, car, and future while bringing very little or even nothing to the table. This is not to say that every person you're in a relationship with has to take care of you, but they should not be looking for you to be their provider.  

This has led many women to become frustrated with their journey in love and eventually clouded their judgment. When your judgment becomes clouded you are at risk of settling. When you are dating it is in your best interest to have an awareness of how you feel physically, spiritually, and emotionally. There are married or committed people that prey on the brokenness of single women. They can sense a broken woman from miles away. Then they prey on their insecurities or loneliness to get what they want.  

Women with strong morals and values do not plan to grow up and become the other woman, but the reality is women are settling for the role of side chick at an alarming rate. Even worst some women are unknowingly being tricked into taking on this role.  

During a recent meeting with a young lady I learned that she and her friend were dating the same man. The irony is the women spent a great deal of time together and they were super excited about the new love interest. One evening during girl’s night out they were exchanging stories about their new love interest; which later lead to an exchange of photos. They later learned their perfect partner created multiple social media accounts and used alias names to date, multiple women.  

Some people are very crafty and charming – they can create lives and stories designed to trick women, so they can have their way. Before dating anyone, you must make sure you are in a great space mentally and you have to ability to exercise sound judgment. When you are not in a good place physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially your judgment will be impaired. When your judgment is impaired you will miss the red flags (things that tell you he is involved). Before you know it, you will give yourself up to someone and you will not be able to snatch your power back.  

Toxic people are very calculated – they say and do things to gain control of your mind. When you are intimate with them there is an invisible connection made that is not easily broken – this tie puts them in a position to control your physical and mental state and your ability to make sounds decisions.  

People can and will hide existing relationships long enough for you to become emotionally hooked on them.   

As time progresses you may learn that they are involved with someone else, and leaving will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. They will probably tell you they are going to leave or they may not tell you this at all. The reality is it doesn’t matter they aren’t a person of integrity. Most important they aren’t yours.   

Do you want to be with someone who will cheat? If they did it to them, they will do it to you. Do you want to be the one being cheated on?   

You deserve so much more and you can have a great relationship.  

As I mentioned earlier – getting over them will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. I cannot put into words the pain you will feel as you take this journey. I do know it will be worth it and you can have a happy, healthy and sustainable relationship – this can only happen if you have space for an AMAZING person to enter your life.  

You shouldn’t have to do it alone and you do not have to do it alone. Get a support team (these are trusted friends, family, or a coach) and start doing the work.  

There are hundreds of women quietly carrying the title of side-chick and thousands more that have been the other woman at some point in their life, but they are ashamed to admit it. It is so much easier to point to figure at someone else for being the other woman, but women hurt each other by investing too much time judging someone in our tribe that has fallen.   

Their reality is there are a small group of women that choose to be the other women – however there are tons of women that have been scammed into being the other. These women need encouragement, love and support to walk away – as a tribe we all are beautifully flawed, yet we can fix each other broken crowns.   


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