Tips for Writing a Closure Letter So That You Can Heal After Heartbreak
After a breakup, it can feel like you’re stuck in a bottomless pit with no ladder. Healing and closure feel so far out of reach. While it’s okay and natural to feel this way, it’s important to remember that only you have the power to move on. Realizing that you are responsible for your healing can be very empowering. But how do you start?
Dealing with the Emotional Transitions from Hurt to Healed
After a breakup, you go through a whirlwind of emotions. Everything is still so raw. One minute you’re feeling sad, and the next, you’re feeling rage.
It’s normal to feel any and all of these emotions after heartbreak. Sorrow, anger, frustration, guilt, depression, and anxiety are just a few of the emotional transitions you may face after a bad breakup.
It’s how you deal with these emotions that genuinely matters. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle these intense emotions. Finding healthy outlets is the key.
- Keep a journal. Putting your feelings down on paper can be incredibly therapeutic.
- Talk to friends or loved ones. Sharing your feelings can make them more bearable. Love and support from the people you trust will make it easier to face these intense feelings.
- Do something creative. When it feels like your emotions are getting the best of you, pour them into something beautiful. Paint. Draw. Create something – anything. It doesn’t have to be perfect. In fact, it’s better if it’s not. Creativity, like writing, can be therapeutic.
- Take up meditation. Through the practice of meditation, you are forced to face your feelings head-on, analyze them, and let them go. It takes time and patience to master meditation, but it’s worth putting in the effort to face these emotional transitions from a calmer, more relaxed state of mind.
After a breakup, the only way forward is to deal with the roller coaster of emotions you will experience as healthy as possible. Just remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You’re going through a difficult time. You’re angry, you’re hurt, you’re sad – and that’s all okay.
Experiencing Your Pain to Let it Go
One of the most challenging parts of healing from heartbreak is facing your pain. Only when you find the courage to feel the pain, accept it, and let it wash over you can you truly heal and move on.
It’s natural to do everything you can to avoid pain. It’s a survival mechanism. It’s useful for preventing a potentially deadly snake bite, but it doesn’t do much to help you get through emotional pain.
Avoiding physical pain is great. Avoiding emotional pain only buries it deeper and allows it to fester. The only way past it is through it.
When you feel overwhelmed by sadness, anger, or guilt, let it out. Cry. Scream. Stamp your feet. Don’t bottle up your pain. Don’t just tell yourself to get over it and move on.
Eventually, everything comes to the surface. The question is: Do you want to face your pain now, or after it’s destroyed future relationships?
It’s not pleasant, but you are stronger than you think.
You don’t have to rush through this process. Give yourself time. Remember always to be gentle and kind to yourself. It will get better, but first, you must face your pain.
Was It Passion or True Love?
As you’re going through the healing process, you may start to question whether your relationship was just passion or true love.
There’s a difference between the two. Sure, there is passion in true love. But a relationship based on lust is at risk of fizzling out just as quickly as it ignited.
Determining whether you had a relationship based on passion or true love can help you heal. If it was just lust, it’s much easier to move on because it wasn’t lasting love.
It’s easy to confuse passion with love. The feelings are intense. The attraction is intense. It can feel overwhelming at times. That must be love. Not necessarily.
We tend to love and feel love when we’re physical with our partners and emotionally close. While both of these things are important, they aren’t necessarily signs of true sustainable love.
At the end of the day, when love is based purely on passion, it can fade – very quickly.
What is true love?
- Caring for, giving to, and helping one another
- Putting the other person first
- Small acts of kindness, like doing the dishes or asking about your partner’s day
- Commitment to be loyal and dedicated to your partner
- Accepting each other as you are
When you’re facing your feelings and looking back on your relationship, ask yourself whether it fits into the passion or true love category.
Managing Feelings of Uncertainty
Your relationship was a big part of your life. Maybe you had plans to stay together forever. Now that it’s over, the future may feel uncertain. For many of us, uncertainty creates a lot of anxiety. It’s natural to be fearful or worried about the unknown.
Dealing with feelings of uncertainty, especially if they are overwhelming?
- Shift your perspective. You can look at an uncertain future with fear, or you can look at it with excitement. The next chapter is still unwritten. You can go, see and do whatever you want. Get excited about your next adventure.
- Make plans. Banish fear by making a plan for your future. What do you want to do next? Is there something you’ve wanted to do but put off because of your relationship? Now is a good time to chase those dreams. Make a plan on how to get there.
- Write down your fears. What are you afraid of? Sit down and make a list of your worries. Next, write down ways you will deal with those situations if they arise.
Writing to Get the Closure You Need
At the end of a relationship, we all seek one thing: closure. You can spend a lifetime trying to figure out why your relationship went wrong or what happened to make your partner want to leave. But you’re not likely to get the answers you want – at least not in the way you want them.
So, how can you get the closure you need to heal?
- Write down the things you wish you could say to your ex
- Cut all contact
Recovery from a breakup takes time. There’s no timeline on healing from a heartbreak. Allow yourself to go through this process at your own pace. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you can face your pain, you can move past it to finally get the closure and healing you need.
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